On Tuesday morning I woke up and saw Katie hunched over in bed. She was in child’s pose with a stack of pillows under her stomach clearly in pain. We’ve been together for 15 years, I’ve seen her in good times and bad. I don’t recall ever seeing her in this kind of pain.

We went to the emergency room. A few hours and a bunch of tests later it was appendicitis. They’d have to operate that night. Nurses, doctors, and surgeons came into the room, “don’t worry, this is no big deal we do this all the time.” Friends and loved ones texted, “this is fine.” Every person we spoke to tried to reassure us that this wasn’t anything to worry about and statistically speaking they were right but in that moment, sitting in that triage room it was a big deal for us.

Stop saying it’s no big deal

It was a big deal for us

Thankfully we caught it early but Katie still needed surgery and would be in the operating room within a few hours. I thought back to my little sister needing an appendectomy as a kid but somehow that was my only experience with appendicitis. Katie didn’t know of anyone in her family who had it. Maybe it wasn’t as common as we all thought and hearing that it was NBD wasn’t reassuring. It felt condescending.

I know the appendix doesn’t do anything. I know they get removed frequently. I know the approach to the surgery has changed to the point that it’s basically an outpatient procedure at this point. I knew all of these things before the thought of appendicitis ever crossed our minds but when the diagnosis was read I wanted to hear about what it meant for Katie, how she’d feel, and what her recovery would look like. I didn’t care about everyone else’s experience, I cared about hers.

Every time I heard that phrase “no big deal” I got a bit angrier but Tuesday night wasn’t the time for that. We had to get her through the operation, and get her home.

Then I had time to think

Katie was home on Wednesday afternoon which meant I could relax a bit. I was tired—still am—and I was still stuck on that phrase “no big deal.” How many times have I told someone that’s not a Creative that something I was doing (or even worse, something they were doing) was no big deal? How many times have I told a junior that something they’re struggling with is something we’ve all done a million times? How many times over an almost 20 year career have I thought I was being helpful or reassuring when in reality I was just coming off smug? It’s more than I care to admit.

How do you avoid the NBDs?

In those situations, like us in the hospital, someone was stressed or unsure about what was going on. That’s why they brought it up in the first place. They were looking for help, not a pat on the back.

In hindsight, I wish I took the opportunity more often to tell them why I thought it was no big deal, to help them understand my experience and why it was relevant, to help them feel more confident about whatever it is that they’re trying to achieve.

A lot of this is management 101 stuff but I think we’re all guilty of trying to flex from time to time and a good leader needs to know when to show up and when to show out. Do I think the doctors were flexing? Probably not but in the moment we needed to be told exactly what was happening and not that everything was no big deal.

I always hated December 15th. Super random date, right? Wrong! It was the date every year when marketing leadership realized that they weren’t gonna be able to spend all of the budget and that it needed to go fast. Year 1 we were surprised. Year 2 we wondered if it’d happen again. Year 3 we had a full plan ready to go.

If you’re thinking you might have money to spend in December, you’ll probably have money to spend in October so don’t wait until the last minute to rush, let’s get started on your rebrand, refresh, Canva rollout, or new website now so that you can start 2026 off strong. OhSnap!